If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
