theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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