fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
