NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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