tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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