oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
