the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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