I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize