is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
