You just made me feel so damn special
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
