I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize