I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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