i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
