coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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