Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
