i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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