im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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