have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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