just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
