you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
