there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
