there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
