Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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