Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
