just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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