rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
