Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
