I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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