she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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