i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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