I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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