I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
