How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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