apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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