Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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