hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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