I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
