I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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