white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
