I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
