I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
