he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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