OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
