I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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