she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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