peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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