id be glad to
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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