It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
