hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
