look no pants
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
