best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
