Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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