Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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