I can tuck mytits in my pants
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize