I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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