Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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