literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
