I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
