tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
