Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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